Two years and a couple of female dramas later, I had now officially upgraded from being a Yangon newcomer to a more seasoned member of the Yangon social circles. I was no longer a coffee morning virgin and had even hosted my fair share of ladies lunches, potlucks and coffee get-togethers. Not to brag, but by now the walls of my house too were resplendent with expensive paintings and exquisite antique cabinets, adorned my foyer. I had already mastered the perfect pose for all my Facebook posts and the air kisses came to me as naturally as the familiar desi namaste.
It’s once you have made this transition into an elite veteran of the social club, you encounter a rather ‘rare’ variety of over enthusiastic, over perky, ‘the oh-so-eager to please category of newbies aka the Enthu-Cutlets. The reason I say rare is because they simply are, majority of the others being caught up in some kind of a rat-race to fit into the A list, each trying to out-do the other be it in terms of their designer outfits or simply by the expansiveness of their private parties. These enthu-cutlets are however a little different with no desire to be or outshine the ‘It-crowd’. Their only desire is simply to please, hover around the A-listers like a swarm of bees and torture you with their over-enthusiasm and excessive flattery.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am all for a lil zeal & zest in life and like any other girl, I too am all for adulation as long as it comes in mild or at least tolerable doses. These guys will not only suffocate you with their over-compliments but will get over-excited about everything under the sun, hoard your messenger window with every possible emoji available and irritate the hell out of you.
I had my very first encounter at a friend’s birthday party. Nothing out of the ordinary happened and what followed were the formal introduction, courteous hellos and the mandatory small-talks. Our conversations where more-or-less the mundane, ranging from the weather in Yangon and list of your goto markets in downtown to your kids school and activities at the country club. Even when she enthusiastically asked me for my fb profile name, I wasn't the tad-bit surprised. Firstly, it had almost become the norm to add each other on Facebook even before you knew each other’s surname and secondly she was new and I was more than willing to help out in case she needed any.
What did surprise me however was the overwhelming number of fb messages that awaited me when I returned home. A few hours ago she hadn't even known how to pronounce my name right but somehow in a matter of few hrs, I had magically migrated from Ash to sweetheart, dear, darling and what not. That wasn’t it. Believe it or not, but a picture of the both of us taken at the party now remained splattered on her timeline with the caption YANGON BESTIES. Huh? What did she say her kids names were again?
Anyway by next day, I had received an invitation to have lunch with her at the country club. In the quest and hope of still finding a true friend, I happily obliged. “She seemed nice,” I thought. Though in my heart I wondered if we had anything, at all in common.
Now now now... how do I even describe the two hour that entailed. Let me just say that if the following hours were ever to be made into a movie, it would probably be called, ‘The extraordinary life of Miss Ash.’ Not only every possible adjective was used to describe me and my fascinating life but I couldn't hep but wonder if she had any view of her own at all.
“Yes Ash, you are absolutely right.”
“Yes Ash, I agree completely.”
“Wow Ash…you are so right.”
“Yes Ash…exactly Ash…true true Ash.”
I could have sworn in the peak of summer that it was chilly and she would have eagerly nodded along and happily agreed. There were times I even wondered if she was paying any attention. Anyway the many lunches and coffee sessions that followed were equally excruciating; the over flattery, the never-ending whatsapp messages and conversations sounding almost like old broken records. What was worse were the innumerable selfie sessions that accompanied these painful rendezvous.
“Let’s take one by the new painting.”
“Wow the view is so nice, let’s take a selfie.”
“Your hair is so gorgeous today…we have to take a picture dear.”
“Is this a new dress…that definitely deserves a selfie…”
To cut a long agonizing story short, the only good thing that came out of this acquaintance…
It actually made my miss my playdate moms.
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