Coffee mornings...for those new to the concept, allow me to elaborate. Coffee mornings at the expat club is not your regular visit to a local barista, ordering your cappuccino and nibbling on your banana muffin while getting acquainted with a new friend. Oh no! Attending a coffee morning here is a ritual in itself and might require way more commitment than hitting a nearby coffee shop and knowing what kind of coffee you’d like to drink.
You see, the coffee mornings here are broadly classified into two main categories. The first one and the more generic is the one hosted every month either by the estate that you live in, by expat clubs and other women’s associations. Open for all the newly added expat members, this one may have over 50-60 women, all squeezed up into a country club lobby or any other elite coffee lounge in the city. It may appear casual but trust me its what you call a battlefield and not to be taken lightly. It’s a war zone and here you will be judged on matters ranging from what you wear to your husband’s job title and where you live. Are you the CEO spouse category, marketing and finance head spouse category or just a regular employee spouse category? And that’s not all…you will be judged on the basis of whether you are the villa with the pool category, the fancy serviced apartment category or a condo in downtown category?
Once that has been determined and you have met/cleared all the required criteria, you will then be initiated into the more elite, private and invitation-only coffee circles. Often held at the hostesses home, these coffee mornings are probably nothing less than a mini wedding reception often involving outdoor catering and even dress codes.
Now have you ever wondered what it would be like to walk into one of those fancy Pinterest boards, you diligently follow online? Well it’s pretty much the same feeling you get while attending one of these elaborate and exclusive coffee sessions. I still remember my very first time. I had never met this lady before, but somehow had received an invitation to what can only be described as the crème de la crème of all coffee mornings. I must have had a decent FB page I suppose but whatever the reason, I magically found a place in her fancy guest list and got invited to one of her eventful and much talked about coffee gathering.
Fortunately I was having a great hair day and had chosen a newly bought sundress to wear to the occasion. I had never been to one of these and the innumerable pictures I had seen on Facebook couldn't have prepared me for what was about to entail. I was welcomed rather graciously with the mandatory air kiss (Ref chapter 1) by the hostess and before I could even get a sneak-peek into her lovely home and even decide whether I was to take off my shoes or not, I was dragged into what can be only be called a photo-taking frenzy.
We were about 15 ladies, many I had never even met before. But before I could even say hi and get their names right, I was asked to pose this way, that way, how about one with the food, one with the above 30’s group, one with the below 30’s group… I was even asked to pose in front of her newly bought painting as it was about to make its grand first appearance in her fb post and I couldn’t help but wonder if the 3000$ painting was the reason behind this abrupt coffee get-together. The hostess even decided who I was to team up with for the picture. Though I had only just walked in with a good friend and would have liked to have my photo taken with her rather than someone I barely knew…I was told it wasn’t a good idea as our heights didn't match and the color of our outfits’ clashed significantly.
If the photo session wasn't exhausting and brain-numbing enough, what followed was the innumerable air-kisses with these random strangers. What can only be described as the expat way of saying hi, is one of the most time consuming and arduous part of any elite club luncheon or coffee morning as apparently no one shake hands anymore. A total of 30 kisses to be exact were exchanged (15 women times 2 kisses on either cheek-bringing the grand total to 30) before we could grab our much-needed doze of caffeine.
The surprising part is that in the last three years of my stay in Myanmar, I would have attended at least a minimum of 20 or even more coffee mornings, not including the ladies luncheons, formal dinners and other social events… all a regular feature in the Yangon expat circles. I would have met these very same women over and over again. We would have all made our appearances several times in each others fb posts and been tagged over and over again in our timeline photos taken at innumerable gatherings. We would have been spotted together, referring to each other as dear and what not and smiling, laughing and complimenting each others’ outfits & unique sense of style. But how much did we really know each other? I guess now that’s one question we just can’t air kiss our way out of…
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